I’m a different person now than I was in September. It’s been five months since I even started thinking about it, and only three months since I accepted myself as being gay. Now I’m going on dates with guys and enjoying my gay Mormon life. Sometimes I wonder if it all happened too fast. But then again, I’m happier being where I am than where I was. I’m glad I didn’t have to agonize over it for years.
You guys (and girls) already did it for me.
I owe a lot to the MOHO bloggers out there.
Sometime over the summer a friend had linked something on Facebook about a guy here at Utah State who was out but still active. When I finally accepted my gayness I remembered the article and searched at least ten timelines looking for it. I even messaged a couple friends asking if they remembered posting something like that (I came up with a good excuse for why I was looking, of course), but no one seemed to know what I was talking about.
I ended up searching for “gay Mormon blog” on Bing (don’t judge me) and stumbled across the MOHO Directory. It was like discovering a sunken pirate ship full of gold. Here was a community of people who understood exactly what I was going through! Trevor had posted most recently, so I read his blog first. From there I absorbed the wide variety of gay Mormon experiences. There were guys out there committed to celibacy, guys who were a little bit critical of the Church, guys who had married women, guys who had married guys, and everything in between.
Suddenly I wasn’t alone. I realized that almost every MOHO goes through self-loathing and depression, but there’s a way out of it. I realized that a lot of MOHOs have to deal with suicidal thoughts, and since they got through it so could I. I saw that happiness is possible for MOHOs, and I don’t have to completely abandon my beliefs just to find it. I also discovered that Utah is teeming with cute MOHOs : ).
The MOHO bloggers who came before me are true pioneers. They laid a foundation for me to build upon, and I’m proud to make my small contribution for future generations of scared, confused gay Mormons. I’m grateful to Abelard Enigma and Moving Horizon for establishing this resource, and I’m excited to see where Trevor takes it.