I hate myself for being gay.
I hate myself for wishing I were straight.
I hate God for making me this way.
I hate God for ignoring me when I prayed to be straight.
I hate the church for not making a place for me.
I hate the church for saying “we don’t know” and acting like
that’s enough.
I hate that I hate myself.
I hate that I hate God. I hate
that I hate the church.
I hate that I still haven’t found a path I can take where I
don’t hate these things.
Hey, I've been there. I understand the hate. I spent many years hating myself, and being so frustrated, so alone, so isolate.
ReplyDeleteI think it's ok to have anger. It sure as hell is better than supressing it and pretending it's not there.
One of the things that helped me overcome a lot of the suckiness was gettting out of isolation. There are groups for just about every shad of gay mormon. Jimmy Hales video really affected me. I loved his attidute, his optimism.
http://jimmyleehales.blogspot.com/2013/02/a-gay-mormon-coming-out-jimmy-hales.html
If you're in utah there are many people around. Good luck man. Just know, I don't hate you. and your path doesn't have to be alone.
Thanks, j4k! Fortunately, I do live in Utah. Unfortunately, I live in the lame part of Utah.
ReplyDelete