Sunday, January 12, 2014

I didn't choose this

The church teaches that homosexual tendencies, or “Same-Gender Attraction,” are not a choice.  Why is it, then, that so many faithful members still insist that we chose this?

I sure as hell didn’t choose to be this way.  Why would I?  I’ve lived a very Mormon life, which included an incredibly difficult (and rewarding), full-time mission.  I would love to marry and have kids, but that’s not a possibility for me in this life.

I do not know why Heavenly Father made me gay.  I don’t know if He specifically assigned it to me, or allowed it to occur as the result of living in a fallen, mortal world.  I do know that as a result of being gay, He expects different things from me than from others.  Does that mean celibacy?  Maybe.  I don’t know.  When I pray about that option I feel uneasy about it, which is usually God’s way of saying “ponder it out and tell me what you think about it.”

My ability to feel genuine affection and love isn’t impaired by being gay.  I feel that this ability comes from Heavenly Father, and He wants me to develop and expand it so that I can someday love as He does.  However, He’s made it clear he doesn’t expect me to develop and expand it with a wife.


If celibacy is seen as contrary to the plan of salvation for straight people, why is it expected of gay people?  I refuse to believe that a loving Heavenly Father would make these expectations, then incapacitate me from living up to them.  

8 comments:

  1. It always makes me a little sad when I see someone say something like, "Of course I didn't choose this. Why would I choose this??" I fully believe that, if there is a Creator, then I was created to be exactly who I am. And I love that. I love being gay. I would not want to be created any other way. I have no desire to know what it feels like to be attracted to a woman. I love hairy forearms and stubbly faces and beards and baritone voices... I hate the world's response to who and what I am. I would never choose THAT. I hate the ignorance and piety that I hear from so many Christians. I would never choose THAT either. Know what I mean? I told my bishop today that I do not plan on living a celibate life, and he didn't even bat an eyelash. Yay to gay!

    Peace and hair grease. :)

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    1. I like that. I guess at this point, if there were a "magic straight pill" I'd be the first in line to take it. I don't like feeling that way, though. One of the things I've been working toward is getting to the point where I wouldn't take the pill if offered.

      Oh, and stubbly faces...that is one of the major perks of being gay :).

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  2. I completely agree with Rex. However, I was like you once. At one point, there's no way I would have "chosen" being gay. But, really, I'm learning to love myself for who I am, and I wouldn't change who I am for anything in the world.

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  3. So who says we didn't chose to be gay? An old friend once told me she believed we all chose our gender, and she said this only makes sense when you think about agency. Of course this was her theory about our creation in the preexistence. So who says that before we were mortal we wouldn't have chosen to be gay having foresight into some benefit to us as individuals or to the world? For those of us that arrived on the scene like this maybe it is better to look for the blessing to gayness rather than curse ourselves.

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    1. That's an intriguing idea. I'm not sure what I think about homosexuality in the preexistence. I know what Elder Wickman says about it, but I don't think I agree with him. There are some blessings to gayness, though, and I might write about that in the future.

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  4. I hope you'll forgive me this insult, but I think your writing voice (style) sounds quite a lot like mine, as I've witnessed you write the very words I would have a couple times. That said, I am very much to the point where I would shove that sexuality straightener pill ... down the offerer's shirt? I was going to say something crass... but violence isn't really natural to me. (I'm making the insult worse by rambling now.) Anyway, I really just wanted to tell you that your last paragraph: "If celibacy is seen as contrary to the plan of salvation for straight people, why is it expected of gay people? I refuse to believe that a loving Heavenly Father would make these expectations, then incapacitate me from living up to them," is something I wholeheartedly believe but have never voiced. Wish you well in sorting your way down the road, don't forget to admire the awesome stuff along the side of the road! (Stubbly faces?)

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    1. Wow, that's the most flattering insult I've ever received!

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